First day is over! I've written a little over 2000 words :D However, I've come down with something and am running a slight temp - may need to skip Chem (it's OK because I already know most of the material in that class :P). Yesterday ... any idea that this novel is anything but ridiculous completely flew out the window. I'll post the text for that day ... you'll see. (Keep in mind that I'm writing this on Q10, which is pretty fabulous but doesn't let you do crazy stuff like make italics, so ... I've surrounded the chapter titles with side carats (> <) and italicized sections with forward slashes (/ /). So now, without further ado ... Day One.

CHAPTER 1
>In which Main is confused, is humiliated unduly, discovers an enemy, and swears revenge.<

"Where in blazes are my pants?!"

Main Character launched into the hallway, clad only in a tunic and braies. He held before him an odd skirt like garment, smooth in the front and pleated closely in the back. "Jeeves!" he bawled, shaking the skirt thing. "Jeeves! What is the meaning of this?!"

A smooth haired man swiftly slunk into the hallway, not a hair or thread out of place. He bowed slightly and said, "My lord, is there a reason your kilt offends you? Does my lord wish to have another? Shall I have the royal tailor begin a new one for my lord? Blue, or green? It grieves me that --"

"Jeeves! /What is this thing?/ Why is it in my room? Where are my /pants/, man? I cannot be /seen/ in such outlandish attire for my address today!" Main shook the kilt at Jeeves angrily, his fists creasing the waistline as he gripped it in anger. "I need my breeches! Where are my breeches? Why are they gone? /Answer me!/"

Jeeves opened his mouth to speak, but then thought better of his statement and closed it again. He looked at the kilt in perplexment. "i ... I'm not sure, my lord," he said slowly. "For some unknown reason I have been until now convinced that my lord's attire of choice was the kilt, but ... my lord, I am not sure your royal tailor will be able to make them for you. He ... according to my memories, which for some reason appear to be false, he was hired for his ability to pleat and fit a waistband. He is proficient at kilt making, my lord, and little else."

Main's brows came together and he scowled mightily, tossing the kilt at Jeeves. "Well, do something, Jeeves! /I need pants./ I don't care how you get them. I don't care what color or cut they are. Just get me a pair of breeches that are not too crudely made and cover my legs, and I will be satisfied. Now go!" He pointed at the end of the hall, where a small, narrow dorr led to the servants' stair, a mazy rat's nest of stairways and passages that Jeeves navigated with amazing alacrity and promptness.

Jeeves bowed. "As my lord wishes," he murmered, scuttling smoothly to the door and disappearing invisibly behind it. Main remained in the hall a little longer, breathing a but heavily from his outburst, then shook himself a little, stood straight, and stalked into his own suite again and slammed the door shut.

Main stomped across his sitting room to a couch and threw himself down on it, then stared down at his socks, his mind roiling with anger and bafflement. What mysterious force had taken all his perfectly fine breeches and transmogrified them into the bizarre garments that now filled his wardrobes? And more than that -- this was evidence that the wider reports that had been reaching the capital of KPniceplace were more than superstitious overreaction, but were valid incidents that he now saw needed immediate attention. He briefly ran over his speech for today in his head — originally, he had planned to spout some soothing nonsense and eventually promise nothing, the usual way he responded to queries he did not wish to trouble himself over, but now that he realized the danger was real, perhaps he ought to rouse the people, ending his speech with a rousing promise to look into the problem /personally/. After a brief deliberation, he decided to change the tone of his message only, in order to avoid rousing the people overmuch. He would speak to the people, assure them that the problem would be looked into, and then proceed to delegate the issue until /someone/ caught the miscreant who stole his pants and made him pay. Main brought his right fist into his left hand's open palm, decisively signaling his decision made, then got up and paced his room. What was taking Jeeves so long? Surely he knew that Main was due to speak to the townspeople in under half an hour! Main was unfortunately running late due to the bottle of wine he had soothed his own nerves with the night before. He had woken only an hour before with a demon sent headache and a dry mouth, but luckily the white wine he had had with his breakfast of pastries, exotic imported "zocalatal," freshly caught salmon, ostrich eggs, pomegranates, oranges, bananas, and marzipan subtleties had soothed his headache and even what nerves he had before this address to the city. He had had to take on a firghtful load of resoponsibilities after he had been forced to fire the city's secretary of affairs — the stress preyed on him, but the man's insubordination had been unforgivable. Why, daring to inform /him/, the prince's heir, that he had had enough of Main's parties, mere get togethers with a few friends? Even worse, /demanding/ he stop? The man clearly was drunk on power and needed to be stopped, for the good of the city. But, the unfortunater result of this act of justice on Main's part was that he was forced to take on the responsibilities of the deposed man, on orders from his own father. Main had at first resisted the addition of more duties on top of his weekly lessons in the art of swordfighting, but after realizing that this was a duty only he could do, Main decided to take this job head-on. Of course, it was also his responsibilty to make sure he was in top form and ready for tue the many speeches he waws required to present to the city council and the city at alrge — and wwhat could be wrong with a glass of or two of wine or ale to soothe his nerves and lubricate his throat?

Main paced a little longer, then slammed a fist into the wall in sudden frustration. By Heaven, where /was/ Jeeves? Main muttered to himself as he stalked over to his dressing room, intent upon finding himself some pants if it was the last thing he did. He began to search through his wardrobe, tossing kilt after kilt aside in frustration. The vandals coudn't have taken every single pair of pants he woned! he had over seven hundred and twenty five pairs of pants! He threw so many kilts out of the closets that they began to form a small mountian outside the dressing room on his sitting room floor. after every one of his five wardrobes was emptied of every kilt he could find, Main began to search through his shirts and jackets in despair, hoping desperately that he could find even one pair of breeches or even hose, even though he avoided hose as they were unmanly and out of style anyway. Finally he gave up and sat down on the mountain of kilts ouside his door. As he moped on Kilt Mountain, Jeeves suddenly slid through the door holding the kilt that Main had handed to him when we weren't looking. Oh wait, now we rmember — Main threw them at Jeeves. We actually never saw Jeeves pick them up, though, so the comment still stands. Jeeves stood and stared at Main with a supremely confused expression on his face, then shook his head and handed the kilt back to Main.

"My lord, I am sorry, but as I predicted, it will be impossible to get you a pair of any bifurcated garment. You will be forced to wear this kilt to the speech today. I have prepared a podium on a balcony for you to hide behind, my lord; I hope it will be sufficient."

"That is unacceptable, Jeeves!" Main raged. "Are there no breeches in the castle?"

"None in your size, my lord, and not even ones in close sizes. My lord does not have the time to have my lord's father's pants fitted for him."

Main considered this, then nodded. Considering his father was a half-giant who weighed upwards of five hundred pounds, it would take a power of doing to make even his tightest pair of hose fit. He looked around in desperation, and noticed Jeeves' attire for the first time — a tailored, natty black suit. He twitched two fingers at Jeeves and said imperiously, "Jeeves. Your pants. We're the same size. Give them to me."

Jeeves bowed. "I am sorry, my lord, but that will not be possible. I have not removed this suit in twenty years, and I do not intend to ruin it now. It is a tradition for KPniceplace castle butlers to be sewn into their suits to ensure they fit perfectly. This suit has been washed and laundered with me inside it ever since its sewing. I cannot remove these pants, my lord." He oozed out the door, leaving the kilt behind him. Before he completely disappeared, Jeeves paused and said, "Please put the kilt on, my lord. You have seven minutes."

Main looked at the kilt in absolute dejection, then unhappily slid it on and fastened it at the brooch to the left of his waist. He pulled his socks higher in an attempt to cover more of his legs and pulled on a pair of his best boots, thninking that perhaps his footwear could partially atone for his dreadful kilt. He hung his head and slunk out of his suite door. as he closed it behind, he felt Jeeves fluttering around him, adjusting and straightening his clothing. As he turned back around, preparing to go out and speak, he felt Jeeves forcefully shove a hand in between his hunched shoulder blades, causing him to straighten abruptly. Jeeves narrowed his eyes at Main for a moment, then nodded sharply and steered him to the balcony door. "Go get 'em, my lord," he said, with perfect elocution. Then he shoved Main out the balcony doors and before the crowd.

Main was blinded by the strong sullight and deafened by the crowd's roar of applause. Finally, after an interminable time, his eyes and ears cleared. He went up to the podium and began to speak. "Good citizens of KPniceplace, I have gathered you here today to —"
As he spoke, a strong wind picked up out of nowhere and began to blow through the square where the people were gathered. The walls of the castle made it swirl, and a tornado began to form, picking up leaves, kittens, chickens, and even small people as it picked up speed. Up on the balcony, Main's kilt was caught by a blast of air, plastering the front to his face. Main wrestled it off his face, his cheeks vermilion with shame, and looked down in the square at the screaming people below. He thought their screams of fear were screams of laughter, and began to shake in impotent rage. He stormed off the balcony and back into the hall, screeching for Jeeves.

Jeeves reappeared at his side in seconds. "My lord! What happened? You are so disheveled! And such a great roar outside! Diod the people revolt?"

Main glared ahead. "No, Jeeves. An enemy of mine has sent a freak wind to humiliate me! He must be punished!" Main turned abruptly to Jeeves and said, "Do you know of any enemies of my ... father's realm?"

"Only the Great and Mighty Overlord of the Evil Castle of Doom, my lord, and he was just here for some very successful peace talks —"

"I knew it! His visit was merely a ruse to spread chaos in the realm! I must stop him!" Main posed dramatically in the hallway, the suspense high despite the dampening affect of his disheveled appearance and unmasculine kilt, and said in melodramatic terms, "For myself, my country, and my - the world, I swear revenge on the Great and Mighty Overlord of the Evil Castle of Doom, and all his vassals!" He turned to Jeeves. "Jeeves, have a proclamation posted in every tavern in the city. I need to find an adventuring party. We will stop this man."

CHAPTER 2
>In which Main finds an adventuring party, hires on several colorful characters, and begins the journey of his lifetime as he sets out with his intrepid band to revenge himself upon the Great and Mighty Overlord of the Evil Castle of Doom and all his vassals.<

Main surveyed the ad's takers: a pale gentleman, a pair of elves, an overly muscled brute, a sour-faced, skinny man, and a confused-looking man. "Come," he said, "it is time for the adventure of a lifetime."